Leave Gracefully

Unfortunately, in today’s economic climate, many people that don’t deserve to are losing their jobs anyway. Recently, a friend of mine lost his job, and relates the circumstances from which we can all learn.

Tom was called into his manager’s office unexpectedly. After a few seconds of awkward small talk, he figured out what was about to happen. The manager was nervous, quiet, apologetic, and could not look Tom in the eyes. Many of us have heard it before: “I’m sorry, economy, sales are off, trim costs, nothing personal, nothing you’ve done or not done.”

Tom was sharp enough to realize that:
- his manager had no choice
- this was not a negotiation or performance review; the decision had been made
- dismissing him probably represented the least chance of a lawsuit among the alternative choices

He did not argue, suggest good things he had done, or could have done, or say anything other than that he understood what was being told to him. He had the presence of mind to ask that since this was not performance based, could he get a warm reference from the manager should the need arise in his search. Tom also asked the appropriate questions about transition arrangements – timing, communication plan, COBRA, other benefits, severance, etc.

Tom was able to capitalize on the apologetic feelings held by his manager and obtain a slightly better severance arrangement, help to word the recommendation that the manager would provide, and keep this bridge open in case the economy got better, or the company later decided that Tom’s experience could alternatively be used in a contracting or consulting arrangement.

I hope that you are doing all the things to make yourself invaluable to your company all the time, but especially today, so you are not faced with the same situation. But please think about how you would react if you were in Tom’s shoes. You must think this through, because if you don’t, and it happens, human nature would predict a less professional conversation, that probably won’t save your job, and have you depart with less than Tom did.

Now go do good things, but please think on this.

Who Are You Really Angry With? Emotions and Your Job Search

Note to my friends: Please don’t take these critiques personally. If you recognize yourself in any of these posts, I’m not picking on you, not identifying you, nor trying to give you a subtle hint. The topics are chosen because I see the same patterns over and over. Hopefully, you’ll look at it as your contribution (as my “victim”) to help others who are experiencing the same things as you.

A friend gave an inspirational talk at a networking meeting the other day. But he got one thing wrong. He said that you can’t express anger during a job interview. True, but it goes well beyond that. Almost no one can turn it on and turn it off like that. If you’re angry, it is going to come through.

You’re going to have to get rid of it. How? Pick one: a) a shrink b) your spouse c) your minister or Rabbi d) a small accountability group or e) maybe directly with God.

Of course it’s natural to have feelings of anger, disappointment, hurt, depression, and others. But to get beyond these, you must realize a few things:

1) unless you are very rare and special, there was some thing, or more likely a long pattern of things, that you did or didn’t do that at least partially contributed to your departure from your job.
2) it does you no good to have or express any of these emotions during a job search, not just during the interview. You are on stage. Anyone you meet could be the key to your next job. But not if you are angry, no fun to be around, someone that they would never introduce to a friend or important person.
3) there are many examples of crime victims and relatives of murder victims that have forgiven the perpetrators, if for no other reason than to get on with life and not be crippled with anger. If you are open to the concept that you may have, even in some small way, contributed to your own predicament, how much easier would it be for you to forgive and move on?

Let me add some salt to the wounds. Maybe you didn’t have anything to do with why you were let go, or the conditions that caused you to resign. You are still not entitled to be angry, nor will it do you any good. Why not entitled? The reason you’re angry is because you’re probably worried about supporting your loved ones. You are 30 days from not being able to pay your bills. No way to pay off your $10,000 of credit card debt, your cars, or your mortgage. You finally “got caught” – no 6 months savings for an emergency, no paid off credit card balances, a house you may not have been able to afford.

I’m sorry, but almost any way you look at it, part or even much of the anger should be directed at yourself, not your former boss, or whomever else caused you to lose your job. But you’re a good guy (or gal)! Go ahead and forgive yourself.

What’s the worst that can happen if you can’t find a replacement job? You lose your house, your kid has to go to an in-state school instead of Princeton. It’s not the end of the world to live in an apartment while you work at Target to sustain a lifestyle you can afford, until you find a “real” job, or the economy recovers, or both.

Does this post make you even angrier, perhaps with me, for daring to even suggest such things? Go ahead and punish me – don’t read my blog anymore. But please, forgive yourself, forgive your old boss, move on, and find a job.

Let me know if this hits home, or it’s way off base.